All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
