Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
