i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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