just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
