There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
