what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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