good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
