I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
