Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
