I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
