Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize