I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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