I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
