peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize