Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
