If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
