I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
