My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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