Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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