The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
