glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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