at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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