I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
