The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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