i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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