Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
