I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
