how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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