If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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