You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
