And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize