Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
