My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
