You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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