Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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