what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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