Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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