I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
