I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
