Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
