I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
