I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
