There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
