I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
