She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
