Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
