Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
