Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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