Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
