i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
