I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
