What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
