so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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