when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
