brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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