I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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