I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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