The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i drank out of a bidet.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
