Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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