I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
