dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Randomize
