Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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