A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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