i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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