i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I know her cup size but not her name....
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
