I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
thus making me awesome and them whores
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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