Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
