I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
