he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
