His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
