Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
