so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
