end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
