peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
