I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
